I don’t want to sound like I am writhing in some kind of cotard delusion, however, this Scorpio season had me reflecting on times when I have witnessed death. Death is a topic that a lot of people feel uncomfortable talking about. I’d go as far to say it parallels with how the intensity of Scorpio energy can often make people squirm.
The summer after my first year of college, a boy I knew tragically passed away. A mere acquaintance to me, but someone members of my family knew closely. The funeral ceremony was an experience that I will never be able to forget. There’s something different about the way people settle in a room together when they’re processing the same disruption to the natural order of life. I could almost feel the gravity of the dismembered hearts grounding the chapel into the earth. The sudden death of a young person makes us question our faith. It makes us doubt that everything actually happens for a reason. It makes us challenge the beliefs we wake up with each day. Not only is it hard to interpret death when it’s not the slightest bit anticipated, but it’s even harder to interpret why a good-hearted, kind natured person with a path ahead of head of them leaves us too early. The father’s tangible heartbreak poured outward through his voice and delegated the whole room. His composure was truly one of the most honorable accounts of a human being I’ve ever witnessed. In that moment, he gained an unbreakable sense of authority in my life, and I’m sure many other people’s, as he spoke these words that will always stay with me: “love rejoices in the truth.” He said he knew this to be true of his son, for he embodied love.
We all have a truth. Our individual truths coincide and reflect universal truths. The truth is one thing that we cannot hide from because it is the reason we are here. Our truth is the only part of us that makes us feel real to ourselves. We don’t get to control how the truth is realized. We do not decide when that will be either. I’m an atheist, but I believe in a higher power, and that it’s intentions for each one of us are completely unique and equally true. One truth of life is that it does not occur without death. Life ends when absolution occurs and transformation is realized. I think this is where the speculations about reincarnation come from. And I believe that. I don’t think many people realize their narratives cannot be created or destroyed, as each one is inherent within the soul. An immortal traveler. Our lives and the paths we are all on are intended to explore the soul’s mission. I believe it happens in many forms through many lifetimes. We just aren’t aware of them because we are stationed in present reality.
People pursue sources of love in so many different and distorted ways. Sometimes, we seek out things that resemble it, to make us feel absolved of the things that dictate the lessons we need to learn. Like the wrong relationship, over-indulgences, or addictions. We turn to things that numb us to an absence of love inside of ourselves, because in life we can easily become tortured trying to find it. It’s so complicated, when really, the 5 words, love rejoices in the truth, come together to make it all seem so much simpler. What would happen if we stopped failing to recognize love inside of ourselves? What would happen if we allowed ourselves to witness it all the time? Would crime be lower? What could we attract into our lives? Would there be less fatal love stories? If we carried ourselves around with no resistance and emanated with love for our hardest learned lessons, would we even need to be here at all?
I'll always carry that quotation with me. I see it as an existential geometric proof. I want everything I do to be in alignment with that idea, because if I do, I don’t think I would waste a moment of my life that I am so fortunate to have.
Lastly….
On the topic of loss, people often ask in a casual, almost deflective way: “were you close?” Have you ever gotten that one before? Maybe asked it yourself? That’s okay, but think about it with me for a second here. That question can be received in so many different ways and possibly lead the recipient down strange streams of thought. It might lead them to question there experience of loss. I think that your experience of loss need not be reliant on the relational closeness you had with someone. Allow yourself and others to grieve and do not question the validity of grief in any circumstance.